What do we teach our children?

image from art4inspiration

This is an ancient Chinese proverb, that like so many teaches so much in so few words. I believe that while we can teach our children many important things, one essential element we can teach them is self-esteem. They need to discover this within themselves - while we can assist them develop it by adding positive marks on the fabric of their lives.

Self esteem can be compared to a table with four vital legs (or facets) that need to be balanced to be stable.

A Feeling of Belonging is the first leg. We all have an innate need to feel that we are a part of something larger than ourselves. A need that includes people, places and possessions. An instinct to belong, for being wanted, accepted, enjoyed and loved. It explains the bond of family, friends and teammates; it also explains why some teenagers may join gangs - this instinct is powerful, we want to belong even if it is wrong.

It's vital to make our children proud of their family, their heritage and make your home a place where they feel wanted, safe and loved. Also, make home somewhere our children want to bring friends, as opposed to a place they want to leave as soon as possible.

A Feeling of Individual Identity is the second leg, and enhances the first. We are all exquisitely unique with a one-off set of talents and traits that have never been seen before or will ever exist again in that same package. This could account for children believing their parents come from different planets.

Watch closely as your children grow and play, observe how they learn, take note of what they love to do in their spare time. It is so important to let them discover their own unique positive talents and then help nurture these into amazing skills. Remember there are some talents that cannot be measured by a report card.

A Feeling of Self Worth is the third leg, a feeling that I am happy to be me, just as I am. If we don't think that we are worthy of being loved, it is hard to accept that others love us. If we don't have our own approval, we have little to give to others.

All children need to be shown unconditional love. It is so important to separate the doer from the deed, the person from the behaviour. One of the most potent messages you can give your children is "I will love you no matter what you do or what happens - I am always there for you" This builds a sense of worthiness and inner value in our children. Along with a good night hug give them the reassurance that regardless of the events of the day you love them no matter what.

A Feeling of Control and Ability is the final leg. It is essential in this ever changing world that children have a believe in their ability to control what happens to them. This is the aspect that allows children to succeed. It is why it is vital to give children responsibility as early as possible, to give them opportunities to learn that their choices and efforts result in consequences and successes. The more they savor success, the higher their confidence and the more willing they will be to assume responsibility.

Just like we continue to encourage our toddlers to get back up after a fall and not belittle them for falling when they are learning to walk; we need to teach children that problems and setbacks are nothing more than temporary inconveniences and learning experiences. Emphasize that setbacks are not failures. When children see failure as a learning experience, they develop a willingness to take on new challenges and are less afraid to have new experiences. We all appreciate acclaim yet the highest benefit comes from when we truly believe that we are making a valuable contribution in life, measured through our own internal standards.

The more that I am involved with children, my own as well as many others I see the truth in the words of KAHLIL GIBRAN:

Your children are not your children
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself
You may give them your love but not your thoughts
For they have their own thoughts
You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit
Not even in your dreams
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them be like you
For life goes not backwards nor tarries with yesterday

What do we teach our children?